Christmas SOP

The following was sent to me by MSgt Ben Spotts. Tis the season for all kinds of orders :)

To:      ALCON

Subj:   Christmas SOP

Ref:    (a) OPLAN 360-04 (North Pole) of 4 DEC

1.  Per the reference, an official staff visit by LtGen Claus is expected at your house on or about 25 DEC.   The following instructions will govern the activities of ALCON during the visit.

     a.  Not a creature will stir without permission.  This includes Warrant Officers and mice.  Marines may obtain special stirring permission for necessary administrative action through DPAC.  Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the XO.

     b.  All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200, 24 DEC.  Nap Uniform will be: Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OD, and Watch Cap, Wool, Black.  Equipment will be drawn from Supply prior to 2130.  While at Supply, all personnel will review their ECR card and sign a checkage (DD Form 1131) for all missing items (remember, this is the "season of giving.")

     c.  Personnel will utilize standard MRE sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads.  MRE ration pack sugar plums should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure max visions are experienced.

     d.  Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care.  Officers will conduct ORM to ensure the necessary safety precautions are taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings.  Stocking handling plans will be submitted to the S-3 (Training) prior to 0800, 24 DEC.  All SNCOs will ensure their subordinates are thoroughly briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging.

     e.  At the first sign of clatter, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes.  On order, para 6-8 (c)(3) of the reference takes effect governing shutter tearing and sash throwing.  SNCOs and NCOs will be familiar with

procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown prior to the start of official clatter.

     f.  Prior to 0001, 25 DEC, all personnel possessing binoculars and night vision equipment will be assigned "wandering eyeball" stations.  SNCOs will ensure these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.

     g.  The S-4, via the Motor Pool, will assign one (1) Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight (8) reindeer, tiny, for use by LtGen Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's license with roof-top permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DD Form 348.  The driver must also be able to clearly

shout "On Dancer, On Prancer, etc."

2.  LtGen Claus will initially enter the CP via the CDO.

3.  All houses without chimneys will draw one (1) Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during the visit.  Draw chimney simulators as necessary via a DD Form 2765-1, which will be submitted in four (4) copies to the S-4 prior to 23 DEC.  Chimney simulators must be properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.

4.  All SNCOs and NCOs will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night."  This shout will be given upon termination of the visit.  Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of the Officers.

Semper Fidelis,

U. B. GOODE

Fideli Certa Merces

"To The Faithful There Is Just Reward"